Release yourself [let me go]
by White Crescent
Summary: Hi, and hello.... THis is my first FF9 fic... so be kind... Anyway this story is about Kuja and Zidane--a little bit of their past and a little bit of their time in the Iifa tree. MOSTLY ABOUT KUJA.... So, READ and REVIEW...please...it's my first FF9 fic.


Release ****

Disclaimer: Nah, I don't own FF9 or any of thw character's I used here. They all, as well as aaaaaaalllll the FFs, belong to Squaresoft!!

Author's note: Hmmm… This is my first FF9 fic. Be kind please… This fic is…about well… a little about Kuja and Zidane's relationship as brothers… and a little wee bit of Kuja's last moments with Zidane. **READ & REVIEW**….. no flames please…??

~*~*~*~

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Release yourself [let me go]

He felt. He heard. He knew but he didn't see…. He couldn't see. He didn't know how he came to be; neither did he know what he was. He just felt, heard and knew. Soon he could smell the cold metal that seemed to surround him. But he couldn't see just yet.

In the beginning, when he started knowing, he heard nothing buth the idle bubbling of something. But now, now that was a different time, he heard something different…. A voice.

Soon he heard more sounds. Breathing sounds, not just his but others. 

"He….is perfect.." A voice! Someone's voice! Though he could not clearly understand the voice's words, he knew, he was accepted….

"Open your eyes." The voice ordered, sounding like a god…. Like a creator… Was he the creator? His parent…. His… his… father?

He, being totally oblivious of what he was, had a hard time executing such a simple order. A child he still was…. A child…

He opened his eyes, and he saw…. He saw! How many months was he 'knowing' and thinking what he was…. How many years even…..

He saw him—his creator, his parent…. His master… The one who had freed him from the darkness. 

He looked up to his master, the old man standing a few feet away from him…. Smiling… He was welcoming him… 

"Come to me…" the master opened his arms.

The child followed, his eyes never leaving his master's eyes. Faithfully following him. He did not fear stumbling down or failing though his limbs felt like jelly at the moment, for he knew that his master believed that he could do it… then he could.

What would his master gain if he asked something from him that he could not do? What?—Nothing, of course. And so he believed… he was perfect… his master said so.

Once in his master's arms, he felt like he was in heaven… 

"You, my angel of death, shall be could 'Kuja'…."

~*~*~*~

Years passed, and Kuja grew and became a confident angel of death. Ever following his master's will. Completely content with the small words of approval that came from Garland—that was his master's name—mouth.

Garland talked about the success that Kuja would achieve… if he worked harder. 

Harder… Harder… Was he not perfect? Why did he need to work harder? He was perfect! He was the perfect and immortal angel of death who would bring victory to his master's feet. He didn't need to work harder… What was perfect can never be changed… it is perfect, was, and will be.

But Kuja was terribly wrong… no…his master wronged him. Betrayed, untrusted… 

His master created another genome. But unlike all the vessels he had created, this one had life… soul… emotions… This genome was very much like him.

The genome was named Zidane. And Kuja knew why Garland had created him…. To replace his imperfect angel of death—him. 

He had trusted him! Believed every single word that came out from the old man's mouth! Cherished every single word that he'd uttered…. Cared and loved him… as a son would do with a father. But why? Why did he do that?!

He soon grew hatred for his master and his new child, Zidane.

~*~*~*~

"I AM his ONLY child…. I AM his ONLY angel of death!" He screamed with pure anger as he stood on one of the tall crystalline trees that grew on Terra. He clenched his fists and screamed angrily.

Let the old man hear, he thought, I don't care… He can't kill me! I AM IMMORTAL!

A shrill laugh escaped his lips. But the laugh was bitter. He wouldn't win… at least not yet. Was four years not enough? 

No, it was enough. It HAD to be enough. A year or more and he will completely loose his title—the angel of death. Zidane, even at such a young age, was showing much already.

He shook his head and assured himself….. 

'It is time…. Time to feel the feeling of being rejected….. to feel the pain of loneliness…. To feel the pain of hatred….' 

He laughed some more and searched Terra with sharp eyes, and sensitive magic. He was about to use his greatest advantage…. The thing the insolent Garland had forgotten… brotherhood.

Zidane looked up to Kuja more than he did to Garland. And Garland didn't notice this, or at least he did not think it would pose a threat. But he was wrong… dead wrong.

~*~*~*~ 

"Where are we going, Kuja?" Zidane innocent voice and the use of brother sent a chill down Kuja's spine. Zidane, no matter what he was, was his brother. 

Why was he doing this? Why was he going to murder him?

Kuja's grip on Zidane's wrist tightened. He dared not look back and into the innocent deep blue eyes.

'What are you doing Kuja….' He asked himself as he led Zidane farther away from Branbal.

"We're going to practice… one on one, my dear Zidane. You do want that, do you not?" His sly voice somehow made a part of his mind curse him.

Zidane jumped up and down, and rejoiced. He wasn't a killer yet, and a part of Kuja thanked Garland for his patience. Zidane's emotions were not yet controlled, calmed and tamed…unlike him.

"Of course I do! I want to be an angel of death too!" 

'Hmph… you can't be an angel of death when you're dead…' "Of course… just like me…"

"Yes, just like you Kuja… I'll make you and Garland proud!"

Kuja stopped. Proud…. He wanted to make Garland proud too…. Proud… 

Zidane was just like him… terribly just like him before. He didn't want him to end up like him… or worse. He did not want him to feel rejected after he was used… just like him. His intentions changed. No, he decided… I will not kill him… 

He looked around. Soon enough Zidane would get impatient and ask. And seeing that he couldn't answer, Zidane would come to Garland and…. More pain would come.

He was immortal, but pain doesn't change, does it?

"Kuja—" Zidane tugged at his sleeve. 

It was then that Kuja saw it—a wild portal, something that linked Terra with Gaia. But unlike the 'gateways' Garland created, wild portals were uncontrolled. It opens, closes whenever it does… it takes one to anywhere in Gaia…. And, as Garland put it… enchants with the blue light.

Here it was, waiting for him, an opportunity…. 

He would trick Zidane to enter there… then he would be gone… and would not even be able to remember anything. Zidane would be enchanted by the blue light…abd he would forget… 

"Zidane, let's go home, it's getting late… I guess we shall do our duel tomorrow—"

Zidane groaned and hung his head. But after a moment his eyes sparkled with hope. "Promise? We'll fight tomorrow! A big one… then I'll show you my skills, and you'll show yours… and we'll have fun.. Promise?"

"Promise…" Kuja assured, but the word tasted bitter in his mouth. Promise? He hoped never to meet Zidane again, ever. He hoped that when Zidane fell into Gaia, some peaceful Gaian would take care of him—a peaceful one who would not let Zidane learn the art of fighting.

A part of him didn't want to fight Zidane in future. Not that he was afraid of Zidane's power…but that part wanted Zidane to be an angel of death like him… and to work with him side by side. 

He led the way, close to the portal. 

"Why are we going here this isn't—"

Kuja hushed him. "Let us go Zidane…. Let us become angels of death…." 

His grip on Zidane's wrist tightened as he pulled him closer to him. "Let us go.." he whispered in his ear as he bent down.

"K-kuja?" 

Kuja could almost taste the fear in Zidane's voice. "Hush now…. I am not going to hurt you, my dear brother—"

Closer, Kuja could almost hear the souls of Gaia….

"Trust me… now… you go first, then I'll follow…then we shall be angels of death—"

"I-I trust you, Kuja—"

"Trust me…." Kuja whispered, then he gently pushed Zidane into the portal.

'I'll follow you…. Soon enough… when the time is ripe…'

And he laughed.

~*~*~*~ 

[Kuja's POV]

"I remember…. Everything Kuja… every single thing." He whispered.

Blood trickled from his head. He was going to die…. He… protected me…. Even though I had tried to kill him many times…. Tried to take everything away from him…. 

He shielded me….

"Why—" I started… I was dying…dying because I was imperfect…. While he was perfect. 

Had I forgotten how I felt for him before…? Had I forgotten the thoughts that were triggered by conscience when I tried to kill him before?

I struggled to forget him… while he struggled to remember me..

__

I am your brother, I'm sorry….

"—why did you come back for me? You had your chance… even now… you could've jumped out of the way and manage to escape… why?"

He smiled. I've forgotten the way he smiled at me before whenever I paid attention and praised him a bit.

But those praises were lies… while those smiles weren't…

"I had to. You are my brother. I wanted to save you…. I wanted to live with you—" 

__

Live with me? I had wanted to live WITHOUT you…. Why??

"Do you hear me?" I asked weakly. "I wanted to live without you…. I tried to kill you!"

He shook his head… I saw him wince as he did so. He was still wearing his smile, despite the pain… despite the rejection I was showing him.

__

Unlike me, he never gave up so easily… Once I knew I was going to die… I lost hope… I… only knew… but now…it is obvious… and yet

"I… understand you… If I were you then I'll hate the one who took my place too… I would have done the same thing like you! I—" He coughed blood. 

"—wanted to let you know how it was to live…" 

"Why do you have to be so nice? WHY!" I questioned. I wanted to cry…. Wanted to cry my heart out to him… as if nothing had happened… as if we were always brothers… never enemies… But I couldn't…. The hatred was still there.

He opened his mouth to answer me.

"But it's too late Zidane… too late… Curses…I… I've found out how it's like to live…even though only for a short while only… I realized…but you didn't have to stay…. You could have… left! What about them?"

__

Somewhere deep down….I still have love…. And only now I discover it again…

I didn't let him answer. "The hatred…. the hatred… it's here—… I HATE YOU….Do you not hear me? I HATE YOU!" I continued screaming 'I hate you'. I truly did hate him… the hatred was there… hatred of his foolishness… hatred that came from fear and envy… hatred… But I…what I said was too much. True… the hatred was still there… but it wasn't big….

I wanted to break his spirit so that he'll give up on me and try to escape on his own…

"Then let go of the hatred…." He suggested weakly. 

Here we were both dying and he suggests something like that…. But, it makes sense, doesn't it?

I wanted it gone…. I… wanted to feel his love one last time…. To feel loved and to know that all those time… I truly had a family. But how? 

"Let go of the hatred…" I muttered weakly. 

He grinned, this time, it was somehow full of hope. "….Just… forget it… don't let it grow anymore." 

__

Optimistic….As always…

"Forget….." I stopped thinking of them and I forgot. Strange it might have seen… I've seen and watched people take years to forget at Gaia… and while I only stopped thinking of them and I forgot…

My mind was slowly fading… forgetting.. but it was not my dying that eased me… it was the truth. Garland cared for me… at that last minute…. Though it might not sound true. He wanted me stopped not killed.

__

He wanted me to realize before I died…. Much like he did. He realized he was wrong and helped Zidane protect the crystal… Zidane on the other hand didn't know what else to do… from the beginning he didn't know truly what he was made for…and now the only reason he fought me and my minions was to protect everyone that he grew to love and care for… I provoked him…it wasn't truly hatred…I created my hatred… thought falsely and believed that I was in the right… I am at fault…

I raised my hands… they were covered with blood… my blood, and his. I touched his face. My vision… it was blurring… I could barely make his face out…

How I wanted to see his smile… 

__

When finally we are reunited and everything is forgiven…why? Why now? 

We were dying… NO! I was the one dying… and I would be the only one to die! I will not let Zidane die!

"Kuja?…..Don't die… we…we can still escape…I still have strength… then… we… will be—"

I didn't want him to say that… _No, Zidane, you are no longer tied to the cruel destiny Garland made for you…. _

"—Free… free from the fear of death…. I have let go of my hatred… and—" I paused to breath. It was getting hard to breathe… 

And I could barely feel the heat of his skin. My sense of touch slowly faded as my body grew colder. 

He remained silent, patiently waiting for me to continue.

"Now…. Let go of me… and free yourself from our past… a new tomorrow and a bright fut—" 'Awaits you….. As well as a young woman…..'

I gasped. I couldn't breath… couldn't see, couldn't think. But I was determined to finish one last thing. I took my right hand off his cheek and touched the roots that trapped us with the palm of my hand.

I then summoned all my remaining strength and froze the roots so that it would be easy for him to break. 

I froze as much as I could….seeing the roots through my mind…I cleared a path for him. I actually thanked goodness that the Iifa Tree had stopped 'moving'.

When all of my strength was gone, and I went limp, I smiled—rather I smiled mentally for I could not feel anymore. Somehow I knew that he too smiled at me…thanking me. 

"Release…..yourself…from…me…go.." I struggled to say.

I could not see, could not feel, could not smell—but I heard him.

And he was singing. 

~*~*~*~

Author's note: I know, I know, it's rather confusing… right? Is this okay? It's my first Ff9 fic—I said that and you know that ^_^. Hmmm….crystalline trees on Terra? Me made that up. Wild Portal? I made that up too…. I know, Zidane's a bit well, you know… but when you really are a bit sad you really can't be that bumpy…and the little space their in…..Anyway, **PLEASE REVIEW** _[x100]_ I really, really need them… I also would like advises… I'm new to writing FF9 fics… So I guess I can't really write that good… yet… Kupo! Bye!!

------White crescent 


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